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February 21st, 2005

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01:40 am


samaside: Havoc, Fuery, Riza, Marcoh, Gluttony
jeva_chan: Roy, Edward, Farman, Sloth
Ryu: Hakuro, Hello Kitty, Theme Music............. I need your LJ
Blind Aftiel: Dante, Lust.......... I need your LJ
Oki_Chan: Bradley, Scar, Envy
sailormac: Alphonse, Hoho-Papa Ghost

Toss Up: Random Person

sparklesonastick: let's start. just... start.
sparklesonastick: Claudius's monologue. GO-GO BRADLEY.

The Royal Shakespeare Company of Amestris proudly presents:


[scene two...]

Bradley: Though yet of Hamlet our dear brother's death, The memory be green, and that it us befittedTo bear our hearts in grief, and our whole kingdomTo be contracted in one brow of woe...

Edo: (bored look)

Havoc: ::lights cigarette::

Bradley: Yet so far hath discretion fought with natureThat we with wisest sorrow think on himTogether with remembrance of ourselves.

Edo: "Do we HAVE to listen to him drone on?"

Roy: (hits him with script)

Riza ::sigh::


Bradley: Therefore our sometime sister, now our queen... *twitches*

Roy: "Be quiet!"

Bradley: Would you keep it DOWN?!

Roy: (stands at attention) "Of course, Fuhrer!"

Edo: (snickers)

Havoc: ::snigger::

Bradley (he likes to hear himself talk): Have we, as 'twere with a defeated joy,With an auspicious, and a dropping eye,With mirth in funeral, and with dirge in marriage...

Riza: ::fires gun at Havoc::

Havoc: O.O

Roy: (closes eyes)

Edo: *edges away*

Envy: Hey everyone, sorry I'm late... *narrowly misses getting shot*

Envy: What the hell?!

Edo: (points at Envy) "WHAT THE HELL?!"

Envy: Ah! O-chibi-san!

Al: Nii-san, what is *he* doing here?

Envy: Well, if it isn't the Fullmetal Pipsqueek? *snerk*

Roy: (eye twitch)

Bradley: *twitches*

Bradley: Roy...

Bradley: Would you restrain the actors, ROY?

Roy: "Hai, Fuhrer." (turns to Edo, clenching his script)

Riza: "Fuhrer, sir, you can continue now."

Bradley: *cough* Thank you.

Bradley: Now, where was I...?

Edo: "What the hell is that guy doing here, Taisa?!

Envy: You were babbling like a loon...

Riza: ::shoots Envy::

Roy: (hits Edo)

Riza: "With mirth in funeral, and with dirge in marriage..., sir"

Bradley: Thank you. In equal scale weighing delight and dole,Taken to wife; nor have we herein barr'dYour better wisdoms, which have freely goneWith this affair along. For all, our thanks.

Edo: (rubs head, grumbling and going behind Al)

Roy: (eyes everyone)

Envy: Aww, did the poor little pipsqeak get hurt?

Dante: ...such children...

Al: You leave him alone!

Bradley: *rambling on* Now follows, that you know, young Fortinbras,Holding a weak supposal of our worth,Or thinking by our late dear brother's deathOur state to be disjoint and out of frame,

Edo: "Stop, Al, this is MY fight." (growls, rolling up sleeves)

Envy: What are YOU gonna do about it?

Sloth: (snoring)


Dante: *ducks*

Roy: "Lt. Hawkeye!"

Al: (protects Ed)

Envy: *Transforms into Fuher Bradley while no one looks*

Riza: "Sir, please control the actors."

Farman: (rubs head) "At least I don't have to be in here because I have no clue where we are."

Roy: (looks to Riza with a tick in his eye) "YOU'RE the one that said not to injure them."

Envy!Bradley: Let's see here... Blah blah blah... I married my brother's wife...

Everyone: (turns to the stage)

Roy: (looks as if his last rites are being read)

Riza: "Well.... yes, sir."

Edo: (to one of the Fuhrers) "WHAT THE HELL! GET OFF THE STAGE, YOU IDIOT!"

Envy!Bradley: Hmmm...

Bradley: FULLMETAL! How DARE you speak to your Fuher that way?!

Fuery: "ERm... Fuhrer, sir... you're out of the spotlight- .... one of the Fuhrer's needs to stepp itno the spot-" ::loud crash::

Havoc: ::blinks::

Envy!Bradley: Yeah! How DARE you disrespect my authority!

Edo: (falls over, surprised) "Ah~~~..."

Dante: "Envy, please. This is dragging on. I have places to go, people to transmute..."

Havoc: ::continues smoking:: Is it my scene yet?"

Roy: (closes eyes) "Lt. Hawkeye?"

Al: We haven't even gotten past the opening monologue.

Riza: "Sir?"

Envy!Bradley: Whatever, I'm bored.... "Farewell, and let your haste commend your duty".

Edo: "I didn't know it was actually you!"

Roy: "Be sure that the death will be quick and painless."

Roy: "By fire, if you will."

Lust: "In that and all things we shall, do our duty and... who really talks like this any more?"

Sloth: (snoring)

Bradley: You IMPOSTER! You skipped more than HALF of the monologue!

Dante: "Wake up, Sloth." *pokes*

Edo: (inches away from Fuhrer and gets beside Al) "This is nuts...I'm going to kill Taisa if he agrees to this again."

Envy!Bradley: *transforming back into Envy and running to Lust* Agreed

Sloth: (snorts) Hm...?

Riza: ::shoots at Edward::

Havoc: "Is it my turn on yet?"

Edo: (is hit by ricochet) "ITAI!"

Roy: "No, Havoc...."

Bradley: We doubt it nothing. Heartily farewell... *eye twitch*

Al: (gets in front of Ed) Lieutenant Hawkeye! What did he do?

Riza: "Pay attention both of you. Focus. And stop complaining, Edward."

Edo: (holding wound) "Ite...~~"

Roy: (snickers despite himself)

Envy: Aww, poor Fullmini. What's the matter? Did you get a boo-boo?

Dante: Envy...

Edo: (spinning to Envy) "WHY YOU--!"

Dante: good job.

Sloth: (nodding off again)

Al: Nii-san, let me handle this!

Edo: "But, Al--!"

Envy: Look everyone! Edo-kun's so small that the text on the script dwarfs him!


Riza: "Fuhrer, sir, you're doing wonderful. Just... keep going."

Bradley: *Eyetwitch* Why did I ever... EVER...

Roy: "What she said...sir..." (aims snap at Edo)

Havoc: "It was your idea, Fuhrer, sir..."

Farman: (nods)

Riza: ::shoots at Havoc::

Roy: (SNAP!)

Bradley: *eyes Havoc* ... "And now, Laertes, what's the news with you?You told us of some suit. What is't, Laertes?"

Edo: (in flames) "ITAAAAIII~~~!"

Bradley: *pats Roy* Well done, there could be a promotion for you in the near future...

Dante: *tosses bucket of milk at Edo*

Al: NII-SAN! (Grabs a bucket of water to put him out. Unfortunately, the water is Sloth).

Lust: Envy, it's your part now.

Roy: "Hai, thank you, Fuhrer-sir."

Bradley: Be sure that Edward get's... Toilet Duty for the next few months.

Roy: "Of course, sir."

Envy: Don't do that, Fuher, he'll fall in!

Havoc: ::snicker::

Dante: "we may never see him again. Tragic."

Edo: "MATTE--!" (is covered in water!Sloth)

Sloth: (wakes up) "...um..."

Edo: (looking horrified) "....get it off..."

Envy: Let's see... My line? Your leave and favor to return to France... *whispering to Lust* Why do I want to go to France, exactly?

Al: ACK! (tries to pull Sloth off Ed)

Lust: "I don't know, Envy. Maybe you want to see the eiffel tower."

Sloth: (snuggles against Edo, trying to sleep again)

Edo: "GET HER OFF OF ME~~~!"

Roy: (doesn't know whether to be disturbed or amused)

Sloth: (snore)

Al: (pulls at Sloth) She's not budging . . . can someone help?

Roy: "Hawkeye..."

Lust: (raises eyebrow)

Envy: *snorts* Eiffel Tower? Whatta load of-

Hakuro: *clears throat* "Okay."

Riza: "On it sir."

Riza: ::shoots at her::

::bullets go through Sloth::

Riza: ::sigh::


Bradley: Juliet!

Bradley: Get off the actor

Riza:: ::pries her off him forcefully::

Roy: (rubs forehead) "We're going to be short a Hamlet)

Sloth: (slowly peels off, snoring)

Al: Lieutenant Hawkeye! That's the second time you've shot Nii-san!

Hakuro: *shakes head* This is insane. *takes out gun and randomly shoots it in the air*

Everyone: (stares at Hakuro)

Hakuro: It's a play, dangit!

Envy: ... You're my dad, right? What do I want to do in France?

Havoc: Eh.... where are we?

Dante: ...Lost.


Everyone: (stares)

Bradley: ... *shaking with anger at the incompetance of his actors*

Roy: (turns to Fuhrer) "Except for you...sir."

Hakuro: *clears throat and rambles* He hath, my lord, wrung from me my slow leaveBy laboursome petition, and at lastUpon his will I seal'd my hard consent.I do beseech you give him leave to go.

Envy: *to Roy* Brownnoser

Envy: Go WHERE?!

Roy: (barely restraining himself)

Havoc: Hey! Shut up.

Envy: I don't understand ANY of this crap!

Havoc: ::glares at Envy::

Hakuro: Am I the only one sane? Seriously.

Sloth: (peeled off of Edo, now sleeping in corner)

Edo: (stands up, holding new wounds and shuddering) "...I think I was raped..."

Bradley: Take thy fair hour, Laertes. Time be thine,And thy best graces spend it at thy will!But now, my cousin Hamlet, and my son-

Farman: (stares at Edo) "Um..."

Fuery: ::covered in wires:: ::ducks head up and yells down:: "Erm.... who is Laertes?"

Hakuro: *twitches at that Ed just said* SCRIPT, PLEASE.

Envy: *sniggers* At least your first time wasn't with a fangirl, Edo-CHAWN!

Havoc: ::shrugs::

Edo: (walks on stage, muttering the lines) "A little more than kin, and less than kind!" (glares at Envy)

Envy: Did I just hear Bradley-boy right? Hamlet's his son, and his cousin? What did his MOM DO?

Bradley: *twitching* SHUT UP!

Roy: "The Fuhrer--KING is the stepfather of Hamlet!"

Edo: "He sure isn't MY step-father!"

Mike: ::sigh:: This is going nowhere.... ::leaves theatre::

Roy: "DANTE!"

Hakuro: *stares at Ed and smirks* He is now.

Bradley: You want to go to COLLEGE in France! Edo's MOTHER married ME after I killed- *stops himself*

Dante: What?

Bradley: *coughing* How is it that the clouds still hang on you?

Edo: "...wetly..."

Lust: "..."

Farman: (tries not to laugh)

Hakuro: *pounds off the stage in a fit*

Roy: (face-palms)

Envy: Edo isn't a fan of precipitation, considering that the RAINDROPS swallow him WHOLE!

Dante: (walks onstage unenthusiastically) Good Hamlet, cast thy nighted colour off,And let thine eye look like a friend on Denmark.Do not for ever with thy vailed lidsSeek for thy noble father in the dust:

Edo: (turns to him) "WHAT DID YOU SAY, MINISKIRT WEARER?!"

Roy: "ED!"

Envy: What did YOU say, COCKTAIL SHRIMP?!

Bradley: Don't make me get your mother in here, EDWARD

Edo: (looks to Roy, huffs, and then looks to Dante, ignoring Envy) "Whatever you say, MADAM...."

Dante: (glares at Envy and Ed) Thou know'st 'tis common; all that lives must die,Passing through nature to eternity.

Edo: "Whatever you say, MADAM...how are you my mother, again?"

Hakuro: *now back stage* That's not how the script goes, Fullmetal.

Edo: "It was close enough!"

Bradley: *whispers* who the hell made these casting choices?

Envy: YOU did

Dante: You're not exactly my choice of son, either.

Roy: (to Fuhrer) "We had a shortage of people... and you assigned the main roles..."

Edo: "What's that supposed to mean?!"

Bradley: *eyes Roy*

Roy: (watches Fuhrer carefully)

Hakuro: *throws a rock at Ed from the back stage* The RIGHT way, Fullmetal!

Dante: "Well, you know, you're no envy. He was such a cute toddler."

Hoho Ghost: (randomly wanders onstage)

Edo (is hit and falls over) "ITE!"

Envy: Of course I'm cuter than a TINY MOUSE!

Dante: "YOU!"

Hakuro: *holds back a laugh* Oops.

Havoc: Hey! if he gets to come on stage randomly, why cant I!?

Riza: ::shoots at Havoc::

Dante: (Chases after hoho-papa)

Edo: "Fine! Fine! I'll say the damn lines! Ay, madam, it is common!"

Havoc: ::whimper::

Envy: *spots Hoho-Papa* You! I've been LOOKING for you!!

Hakuro: Very, simple, Havoc. You're not important. *smiles*

Roy: (still staring at the Fuhrer)

Havoc: ::sword through head::

Dante: (pops back onstage) "If it be,Why seems it so particular with thee?"

Bradley: *slowly starting to lose it*

Dante: "Wow, I've missed talking like this."

Hoho Ghost: You again? Why don't you just give it up?

Edo: "It seems like the hey is. What the hell is this crap anyway? Can I just--"

Dante: "You ran off with that- that- Trisha!"

Riza: NO.

Riza: Read the script Edward.

Edo: (grumbles)

Sloth: (snored)


Edo: (monotone) "Seems, madam---WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY?!"

Bradley: *panting*

Hoho Ghost: And she was ten time the woman you are!

Roy: (bows head) "I'm dead..."

Hakuro: *stares at Bradely and script slips out of hand slowly*

Edo: (realizes he just yelled at the Fuhrer) "...ah..."

Bradley: Oh, you heard me, Edo. But I SWEAR, it's the subtext of the script *coughs I chose you for a reason cough*

Dante: "AUUUGH!" Lust! Envy! Sloth! Kill him!"

Havoc: Wow. Very nice, Fuhrer sir.

Al: (pokes head out) NII-SAN! Watch your language!


Edo: (clenches fists, continuing with lines) "Seems, madam, Nay, it is. I know not 'seem.' 'Tis not--"

Lust: "...Must I?"

Envy: With pleasure!

Sloth: (snore)

Hakuro: Edo's forgetting his lines...

Havoc: ::goes out to get a beer with Breda and Farman::

Hakuro: Colonel, help him out.

Dante: "Thank you, Envy." (glares at Lust and Sloth)

Envy: Hey there, DADDY! BWAHAHAH!

Roy: (sitting in a chair) "I need a drink..."

Havoc: ::drags Roy with them::

Hoho Ghost: Do NOT start with me. I'm stick of you stalking me!

Hakuro: *calls stage props with an unknown cell-phone from the future*

Edo: "WHO'S FORGETTING HIS LINES?!" (continues) "No, nor the fruitful river--WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU GOING TAISA?!"

Roy: (being dragged off and doesn't care to respond)

Envy: *cries* I just want your attention...! I have a father complex, I admit it! I wear a skirt to get your attention!

Bradley: Where do you think you're GOING?!

Lust: "Well, wonderful. The director's gone."

Edo: (holds up hands) "It's not MY fault! I'm reading my LINES!"

Dante: "Envy, What are you doing?!"

Hoho Ghost: . . . that is just plain WEIRD.

Hakuro: Here we go. Without the director, we're sunk.

Riza: ::shoots at Hakuro::

Envy: *snot dripping from his nose* It's true... I just want a papa's love... Like that one girl, Nina.

Hakuro: ACK! *barely misses*

Edo: (points to Hoho) "AND SINCE WHEN DID THE GHOST TALK?!"

Riza: Pick up the script, sir. We're continuing from where we are.

Hakuro: WOMAN!!

Riza: ::shoots at Edward::

Dante: "I'm so ashamed... But it does explain why he was always stealing my dresses."

Riza: Shut up, Edward.

Riza: Who's line is it now?

Edo: (drops to the floor, clutching his foot) "ITAAAAAIIIII~!"


Edo: "MINE!"

Riza: "Good. Then continue" ::points gun at him::

Al: (pokes head out) Um, is it my turn to come out yet?

Hakuro: Wait! Hamlet's injured!!... Oh, what the hell. Say your lines.

Edo: (looks up to her) "...Nore the dejected havior of the visage, Together with all forms, moods, shapes of grief,'That can denote me truly. These indeed seem..."

Envy: Wait, I know how to fix Edo-chan's foot with ALCHEMY!

Dante: (sniffs) "What a thing for a mother to realize..."

Riza: ::shoots Envy::

Edo: For they are actions that a man might play;But I have that within which passeth show-These but the trappings and the suits of woe---THAT REALLY HURTS, LT HAWKEYE!"

Envy: *picks up a bottle cork, grabs Edo's foot, and sticks the cork in the hole*

Riza: You can't use alchemy and you know it. Sit down, and shut up.

Envy: Fixed!

Riza: ::sigh::

Edo: (growls and kicks at Envy with his metal foot)

Hakuro: I thought Homoculus can't use-- A CORK!!?

Hakuro: WHY A--

Al: THAT'S IT! (storms onstage and attacks Envy).

Edo: "GET HIM, AL!"


Lust: Envy, calm down.

Envy: *transforms into Edward*

Hakuro: *tries to paw Al off*

Riza: ::sits down in front row seat and reloads side arm::

Sloth: (tips to the side, snoring)

Envy: *drops to the floor, crying* OWWIE, MOMMIE MY FOOT HURTS!

Edo: "NANI?!" (stands up only to yell in pain and fall over)

Envy: OH, I'm so SMALL that the hole is almost as big as my WHOLE FOOT!

Dante: You have a father complex for that- that- fther of yours! Dan't talk to me about that!


Al: I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU MAKING FUN OF NII-SAN! (He grabs Envy by the hair and starts yanking).

Hakuro: *stops trying to get Al off, points to Edo then to Envy* Kill him.

Bradley: That's it. I quit. There will be hell to pay tomorrow. *goes out to booze*

Edo: (was the one Al grabbed) "ALLLLLLLL!"

Envy!Ed: *sniggers*

Al: NII-SAN! (He drops him) That was really you?

Edo: (groans pathetically)

Lust: Oh, honestly.

Havoc: YES! Can I be the King now?

Riza: ::sigh:: Fine Havoc.

Havoc: ::squee::

Roy: (coming back in with the ones that left and sits next to Riza) "...How long do you think I have?"

Dante: "to live?"

Hakuro: We're not getting anywhere.

Havoc: Yo! Hamlet. It's nice that you miss your dad and all. But seriously. Grow up.I lost a dad, you lost a dad.... Quit being a pussy."

Edo: (looks to Havoc) "WHO ASKED YOU?!"

Envy: *transforming into Hoho* Yeah, pussy.

Havoc: "Quit being a pussy! Dante, your line!"

Dante: Er... Let not thy mother lose her prayers, Hamlet:I pray thee, stay with us; go not to Wittenberg.

Edo: "Wait just a second! You did NOT CALL ME A PUSSY!"

Hakuro: *sits down and drinks beer*


Havoc: "Yes, yes I did. Now shut up and go away to Denmark."

Roy: (blinks at Hawkeye) "Lieutenant?"

Riza: "Yes, sir?"

Roy: "How long do you think I really have?"

Dante: I'd give you an hour or two.

Bradley: *offstage* LESS THAN THAT!

Edo: (to Envy) "NO ONE WAS TALKING TO YOU, BASTARD!" (to Havoc) "Why the hell should I?!"

Riza: ::shoots Dante and Bradley:: "It'll be fine, sir."

Roy: (sinks in seat)

Havoc: "Because I said show shorty!"

Farman: (sits beside Roy) "You just shot the Fuhrer..."

Roy: "She knows..."

Hakuro: We really need someone to give these people a lesson. Especially Fullmetal. *takes out cell phone* Any suggestions?

Envy: *transforming back into Envy* You... just shot Pri-I mean, your Fuher...?

Riza: ::aims gun at Edward:: "Your monologue Edward."

Dante: "Ow! Hey, I was rotting there!"

Fuery: ::cones in, glasses cracked:: ::sits by Farman:: ::sobs::

Ed: (to Havoc) "Well, you can SHOW yourself right off the sta"---(notices the gun) "Yes, ma'am..."

Envy: Hey, Hakuro, you can order a million pizzas and say chibi-chan bought them

Farman: (looks to Fuery) "Having a bad day?"

Dante: (wanders offstage rubbing idly at gunshot wound, sits down by Lust)

Envy: I know he won't carry enough cash to pay for it, since he's TOO SMALL TO CARRY A WALLET!

Fuery: "The lightboard fell on me again..."

Edo: (mekely) "...what part are we on?"

Dante: "Lust, get me a glass of water."

Farman: (nods in sympathy for Fuery)

Riza: "O, that is too too solid, Edward."

Hoho Ghost: (has wandered off)

Edo: (relieved at not getting shot...again) "O that this too too solid flesh would melt,Thaw, and resolve itself into a dew!Or that the Everlasting had not fi--GET OFF THE STAGE, OLD MAN!"

Lust: (wanders off grumbling)

Hakuro: *splutters out beer and slams the bottle in Roy's face* Just felt like doing that.

Riza: ::shoots ghost::

Riza: ::shoots Hakuro::

Roy: (bottle slammed in face) "..."

Hoho Ghost: I'll be back! (leaves)

Dante: "Stay gone!"

Hakuro: *takes out Ghstbusters gun*

Al: Um, are you okay, Colonel?

Scar: *wearing a hat* Hey, I'm here to deliver pizzas to a Mr... Edward Elric?

Envy: *holds cellphone, snickering*

Edo: "YEAH RIGHT!" (continuing his lines) "had not fix'd his canon 'gainst self-slaughter! O God! God!How weary, stale, flat, and unprofitableSeem to me all the uses of this world!Fie on't! ah, fie!--"


Hakuro: *aims at Hoho-ghost and starts sucking it in with gun*

Scar: *twitches* Alchemists...

Marcoh: ::comes in randomly:: Stop that Fullmetal. Suicide is not the answer.

Lust: (Comes back with a glass of Sloth instead of Water) "Hey, don't I know you?"

Havoc: Where the hell did you come from, Marcoh?

Marcoh: ::shrug::

Hakuro: Um.... wrong play, Marcoh.

Lust: "That Scar looks very familiar..."


Marcoh: ".... Oh. Whoops. Hey, can I have some of that pizza then?"

Sloth: (snores in glass)

Roy: (waves, inviting Marcoh to join them)

Scar: *to Lust* I think you must be a Wolf's Rain fan or something

Hakuro: Sure. Only cheese, though...

Marcoh: "Fine with me. They don't have a pizza hut for miles back where I'm living now." ::joins Roy and company::

Edo: (grinding teeth) "'Tis an unweeded gardenThat grows to seed; things rank and gross in naturePossess it merely. That it should come to this!But two months dead!"

Lust: "No, no, I'm sure there was something... Oh! That's right. I married your brother."

Envy: Oops, we only got cheese. Too bad for Edo, since he hates to grow, and therefore hates MILK!


Hakuro: 'Ch. *takes out a Hello Kitty plushie and throws it on the stage* That'll have some entermainment.

Havoc: "erm.... Marcellus comes up again soon.... erm... Fuery.... you want to take that?"

Envy: *gasp* Spotty Dotty!

Roy: (eye twitches)


Roy: (eye tic)

Lust: "All right, curiosity satisfied." (Walks back to Dante and puts down sloth-in-glass)

Marcoh: "Stop that. Suicide is not the answer."


Fuery: ::blink::

Roy: (full-body spasm)

Riza: ::pats Roy::

Envy: YER MOM!

Dante: (tries to drink Sloth) "FWARGH! What is that?!"

Random person: *jumps on stage and starts gnawing on Hello Kitty like a dog*


Riza: ::shoots at random person::

Envy: *slaps random person* It's MY Spotty Dotty plushie!

Al: NII-SAN! Don't get into it with him again!

Dante: (coughing)

Lust: (edges away)

Roy: (a twitch, a tic, a spasm)

Scar: *angsting* Brother...

Random person: *gets slapped and shot, transforms into a kung fu fighter and grabs the plushie, running off*

Havoc: ::comes down off stage to get pizza:: You know sir.... I agree. You're screwed.



Envy: Sorry, your vocal cords are so small I CAN'T HEAR YOu

Hakuro: You ACTUALLY want to do lines.

Roy: (spasms and whips head to glare at Havoc)

Al: (takes a swing at Envy)

Dante: Envy! We're never going to get anywhere at this rate!

Envy: *sniff* Okay...

Edo: (trying to keep from yelling at Envy and Hakuro) " Hyperion to a satyr; so loving to my motherThat he might not beteem the winds of heavenVisit her face too roughly."

Envy: *plops down on the ground*

Dante: ...I'm sorry. I overreacted to your father-complex. It's really his fault, not yours.

Edo: "Heaven and earth!Must I remember? Why, she would hang on himAs if increase of appetite had grown, By what it fed on; and yet, within a month-"

Riza: Alphonse, get ready.

Edo: " Let me not think on't! Frailty, thy name is woman!-A little month, or ere those shoes were oldWith which she followed my poor father's body"

Hakuro: Takes out ruler* Wow. after doing pretty quick math, you're only 140 cm tall, Edward.

Gluttony: ::pops in:: "Fed on.... Lusto... can I eat him?" ::looks at Edward::

Edo: (snaps and bashes Hakuro with his metal fist) "WHO SAID YOU COULD ANNOUNCE MY HEIGHT TO THE WORLD?!"

Lust: "After he's finished his lines."

Gluttony: ::grin::

Scar: Hamlet, huh? Brings back memories... *gasp* It's the SINS AGAINST HUMANITY!

Havoc: ::raises eyebrow at Scar::

Lust: "Calm down, Ishvar-boy."

Scar: I shall SPLODY you, fat creepy short man!

Edo: (going miles a minute) " Like Niobe, all tears- why she, even she(O God! a beast that wants discourse of reason, Would have mourn'd longer) married with my uncle;My father's brother, but no more like my father--"

Gluttony: "Lusto.... he made me sad.... can I eat him?"

Hakuro: *almost becomes unconsious, takes out gun, blows off part of Ed's braid*

Envy: Eww, incest...

Lust: "I suppose, Gluttony... Just don't make a mess."

Edo: (stop, twitches, hating to say these lines) " Than I to Hercules. Within a month---MY HAIR!" (grabs Hakuro by the shirt) "YOU--MESSED--UP--MY---HAIR!"

Scar: *Reaches for Gluttony's head* Hambuger time!

Dante: (recovered from drinking sloth) Vain one, aren't you?

Roy: (suddenly stands) "THAT IS IT!" (snaps fingers, burning the actos)

Hakuro: *looses, tackles Ed into a rumble*

Gluttony: ::chases after Scar with mouth open::

Havoc: ::lights cigarette::

Hakuro: *gets burned*

Havoc: You know sir, that's not going to help with Fuhrer Bradley.

Edo: "ITEEE~!"

Envy: *coughs up charcoal*

Fuery: ::Burns:: ::sobs:: What did I ever do?

Sloth: (snores)

Scar: *dead*

Dante: "..."

Riza: ::sigh::

Farman: (wipes ash from face)

Riza: Can we continue *now* sir?

Roy: (glaring at everyone) "Are we done NOW?"

Al: Nii-san, I wouldn't have let you do this play if I knew it ws going to be so *dangerous*!

Hakuro: *takes out Sailormoon(who everyones hates)*

Edo: (pushes away from Hakuro, grumbling)

Hakuro: *throws at Roy*

Hakuro: Happy Dating.

Roy: (hit between the eyes and falls behind the first row of seats)

Riza: ::shoots Hakuro::

Hakuro: *shot at the knee* ....................... Ow.

Envy: Wait, we're doing a play?


Hakuro: *stares at Envy*



Hakuro: *freezes*

Al: We're starting from where I come in?

Edo: (hobbles to his position) "....Within a month,Ere yet the salt of most unrighteous tearsHad left the flushing in her galled eyes,She married. O, most wicked speed, to post"

Edo: " With such dexterity to incestuous sheets!It is not, nor it cannot come to good.But break my heart, for I must hold my tongue!"

Farman: (goes on stage behind Al)

Al: Hail to your lordship!

Edo: "I am glad to see you well."

Envy: Zeig HIEL!

Hakuro: *gets back stage*

Edo: "Horatio!--or I do forget myself."

Al: (glares at Envy) The same, my lord, and your poor servant ever.

Havoc: My good lord... is it my part yet?

Roy: (attempts to sit up, but has legs over a seat and the rest of him behind it) "I'll show that Hakuro..."

Edo: "Sir, my good friend- I'll change that name with you.And what make you from Wittenberg, Horatio?Marcellus?"

Havoc: Good God! I mean, "My good lord!"

Hakuro: Someone take Envy off the stage.

Edo: " I am very glad to see you." (to Farman) "Good even, sir.-But what, in faith, make you from Wittenberg?"

Riza: ::drags Envy off stage::

Envy: ;_;

Roy: (manages to get out of his awkward position and sneak off backstage without Riza noticing)

Hakuro: *prepares a shield from Roy*


Edo: (twitches)

Riza: ::comes back:: Okay. Continue Edward.

Envy: *slaps Hakuro* Let them be ALONE!

Edo: "It's not my line..."

Hakuro: Ow! That hurt!

Roy: (walks along the catwalk, watching everyone from above)

Al: Oh, it's mine . . A truant disposition, my good lord.

Envy: Good job, genius.

Edo: "I would not hear your enemy say so,Nor shall you do my ear that violence--" (stops reciting lines) "Why can't we skip ahead? I don't wanna talk with Al like this!"

Hakuro: *turns to chairs* Where's the colonel?

Riza: ::aims gun at Edward::

Edo: (hides behind Al) "Come on, Lieutenant! Everyone's NUTS!"

Al: Lieutenant, why are we even *bothering* at this point?

Hakuro: The colonel got away!

Riza: "I don't even know any more alphonse..."

Envy: What, you just want to skip to the parts where you get to say "cock", Metalman!

Havoc: "Can I come back on yet?"

Edo: (relieved sigh)

Hakuro: *kicks Havoc* STOP ASKING!

Al: YOU TAKE THAT BACK! (grabs Envy by the hair again)

Havoc: ::sob::

Riza: ::shoots everyone again::

Roy: (climbs a rope to a higher cat walk)

Envy: *transforms into Armstrong, who has no hair*

Edo: (managed to hide behind Al this time) "HAH!"

Hakuro: *shot in the arm this time* AUUGHHH!!

Riza: Okay. We're going to start where Marcellus and Horation tell Hamlet about ghost. RIGHT NOW.

Riza: ::points gun at Hakuro:: Off. Stage. Now.

Al: (grabs the one lock of hair Armstrong has on his head and yanks)

Farman: (points to self) "Am I needed in this scene?"

Hakuro: *whimpers off stage*

Havoc: "Got me."

Roy: (chuckles evilly to himself)

Envy!Armstrong: My hair, my only piece of hair! *runs up to the catwalks*

Riza. "alphonse, your line. 'Two nights together'"

Roy: (hides from Envy)

Envy: *secretly transforms into Riza*

Hakuro: *starts digging in pockets* WHO WANTS AN EXTRA FIFTY DOLLAR BILL?

Riza: ::shoots money::

Riza: Don't make me shoot the other arm, sir.

Roy: (continues skulking about on the catwalk)

Random person: ::eats the rest of the pizza::

Edo: (elbows Al) "Hurry it up!"

Scar: *coming back to life for a minute* That'll be $36.50! *dies again*

Riza: ::sigh:: "Alphonse..."

Hakuro: That cam out of direct payment!!

Al: Two nights together had these gentlemen, Marcellus and Bernardo, on their watch, in a dead waste and in the middle of the night, been this encountered, a figure like your father . . .

Hoho-Papa: ::randomly wanders in again::

Envy!Risa: Prowls the catwalks, following Roy silently*

Edo: (tackles Hoho) "GET OFF THE STAGE!"

Roy: (unsuspectedly being followed)

Havoc: "Erm.... yeah, Hamlet... there is this ghoast of your dad... and.... well... he's.... why is he here NOW?"

*Hello Kitty plushie comes to life*

Theme Music: DUN DUN DUNNNN!


Riza: ::kills Hello Kitty Plushie::

Al: Now I've lost my place!

Havoc: "Hey, .... what's a Beaver?"

Farman: (face-palms)

Riza: "We aren't that far Havoc."

Riza: "And that's Al's line."

Al: BEAVER? First I had to say cock and now I have to say BEAVER?

Hello Kitty: *slowly and freakishly wakes up on stage, Gothic-chick style*


Riza: ::sigh::

Al: But it's in the play, Nii-san!

Roy: (looks down at the chaos below)


Envy!Riza: *Finally deciding to approach Roy* Hark, what silhouette through yonder catwalk breaks? It is the east, and Roy is the... Silhouette!

Roy: (turns around) "Lt. Hawkeye?"

Random person: "WRONG PLAY ENVY!"

Envy!Riza: Whatever! They all die in the end!


Roy: "ENVY?!" (looks at Riza!Envy's legs) "WHAT THE HELL!?"

Envy!Riza: *cough* No, sir! It's Hawkeye!

Envy!Riza: What?! I SHAVED!

Roy: (points at Envy!Riza) "Lt. Hawkeye NEVER wears miniskirts in front of ME!"

Envy!Riza: *tryng to cover his ass* Well sir, I just wanted to say... *blush* That...

Riza: ::from below:: "DAMN SRTAIGHT"

Edo: (goes back to Al, forgetting about Hoho) "Let's get on with it!"

Envy!Riza: I love you, Sir!! *kisses Roy*

Havoc: "Yeah, so.... we saw it up on that platform... and it was a ghoast... and it wa sin uniform and.... well, it's your line now Ed."

Roy: (would have started doubting himself if he hadn't heard Riza shout from below) "AND WH--" (is suddenly in a lip-lock)

Edo: "But where was this?"

Hakuro: *points up* Dead romance moment! *takes out camera*

Envy!Riza: *still liplocking*

Riza: "He skipped something.... "Did you not speak to it", Edward"

Riza: ::shoots Hakuro's camera::

Riza: ::shoots fake Envy::

Roy: (trying to push Envy!Riza away without...touching anything, feeling entirely out-of-his-area for some off reason)

Random Person: ::Laughs::

Hakuro: I payed 500 for that!

Riza: I'm sorry sir. Quit interfereing with the play.

Edo: "Wait...what?" (reaches for Riza's script)

Envy!Riza: *shot in leg* Roy! Did you just SEE what Envy DID to me?!

Hakuro: The real Riza never screams like that!

Roy: (confused) "What? That's Envy down there?"

Edo: (trying to find his lines)

Envy!Riza: *holding back snicker* Yes!

Al: My lord, I did, but answer made it none. Yet once methought it lifted up its head and did address itself to motion, as like it would speak. But even then that the morning . . . I AM NOT SAYING THAT WORD AGAIN!

Roy: (looks between the two Riza's) "This is my worse nightmare and best dream in one sitting."

Edo: (*thwaps Al's arm with the script)

Riza: ::sigh:: just say it Alphonse.

Hakuro: *snickers at the part, "cock crew loud,And at the sound it shrunk in haste"* Heh... cock shrunk... *snicker*

Edo: "Seriously, Al...the sooner you say it, the sooner we're done and Taisa can stop making out with Envy."

Riza!Envy: What are you TALKING about?! SHE'S the imposter!

Havoc: ::looks up at Envy's skirt from below cat walk::

Riza: ::shoots Envy again::

Al: (tiny voice) cock (regular voice) crew loud, and even at the sound of it did shrink in haste . . .(sighs) This gets worse and worse! Now it's talking about those . . . things *shrinking!* Is this Shakespeare or a Viagara ad?

Roy: (hears Ed, hears Envy!Riza, sees the shot, looks just plain confusd and runs for it)

Hakuro: Havoc, move over! *stands beside him* AWESOME.

Envy!Riza: *sigh* There went my chance...

Edo: "AL! Where do you get these things?!"

Al: From what the fangirls send me, Nii-san.

Edo: (thwacks him again) "I told you not to read those!"

Al: Nii-san, what's "Elricest," anyway?

Envy: *leaps off catwalk and transforms into Bob the Enzyte Man*

Edo: (face faults and falls over)

Hakuro: *stands up* Elricest is you and Ed doing--


Hakuro: The thing.

Roy: (sitting on a catwalk, looking down at Riza, scratching his head)

Envy!Bob: *Big smile* Edo, need a boost of Self-confidence?

Riza: ::shoots Hakuro YET AGAIN::

Riza: "Edward, alphonse ::shoots Envy:: CONTINUE"

Havoc: ::pops in:: "And yeah. So, w're goin to go to the catwalk and see the ghost."

Edo: "Okay the Ghost was armed from head to toe could be dangerous, blah, blah blah..."

Hakuro: OW!

Edo: " My father's spirit- in arms? All is not well.I doubt some foul play. Would the night were come!Till then sit still, my soul. Foul deeds will rise,Though all the earth o'erwhelm them, to men's eyes."

Roy: (scratches head again) "What just happened here?"

Riza: Very good.

Riza: ::awards people cookies::

Envy: *transforms back into Riza* I love you, Roy, REMEMBER THAT!

Roy: (slips and falls, stopped from falling to his death by a rope around his ankle) "ACK!"

Hakuro: *stares at clock* So late...

Havoc: ::Looking up Envy's skirt:: WTF!?

Edo: (looks up) "Heh...." (laughs his ass off at Roy)

Scar: *raising from the dead once more* Dude, can I have the $36.50 now?

Al: And Nii-san, you should see the drawings the fangirls did of you and Roy . . does automail *bend* that way?

Edo: "NANI?!"

[end of scene 2...?]

We'd like to give a shout out to this site for providing many of us with a script for this crack. We couldn't do it without them. -----> http://www.compusmart.ab.ca/hamlet/act1sc2.htm

(7 comments | Leave a comment)


[User Picture]
Date:February 22nd, 2005 02:29 am (UTC)
Haha, very true.

I'm going to go over it and take some stuff out for when we send it to fm_alchemist.

I'm thinking the stuff with ROy and the cat walk and Envy and some of that stuff.... though, I'm looking ta some other tsuff.

Anyone else have some comms on this?
[User Picture]
Date:February 22nd, 2005 09:36 pm (UTC)
Hah. Go ahead. ^.^" The Ro and Envy stuff witll be especially for us XDD

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